


You rest your head and turn the light on, if only I could wish your kiss

by cutebutpsyco



Series: Endgame Countdown [19]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Secret Relationship, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, ft. Tony and Stephen are horny 24/7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 11:46:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18549130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutebutpsyco/pseuds/cutebutpsyco
Summary: "Do you know how do I call it? Coincidence.”Bucky’s light eyes trailed down to look at the glass he was holding. “I thought it simply happened because he was my mission.”“Whatever you want to call it, Bucks,” Nat rolled her eyes and her exasperation was clear; it wasn’t the first time she told him that.





	You rest your head and turn the light on, if only I could wish your kiss

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Stucky fic, yay! Anyway, I want to thank the anon who asked me _Not the same anon, but if you would be so kind as to write stucky headcanons where they are realizing they don't have to hide their relationship anymore, overcoming the homophobia of their era and Steve panicking because Sam might have seen bucky hold his hand would be awesome_   
> Not headcanons but an entire fic so I hope you'll like it. Also, mention of internalized homophobia because these two disasters are from the 40s, so of course they'll need some time to get used to the present. 
> 
> Nothing belongs to me, title from If Only by James Arthur

Getting used to a future neither of them could ever imagine seeing now that there were no battles to fight and no enemies whose shadows were looming over every corner their turned, for Steve and Bucky was sometimes overwhelming and, for once, it was the Captain who was having the hardest time to adapt. 

Bucky lived in Wakanda for two years, and that place was the most technological one in the world. That, plus the natural predisposition for the man toward everything brought Barnes to be the one more inserted into the 21st century, between the two of them. But, despite everything, there was something that their teammates couldn’t really understand. 

It was clear that they had feelings for each other, though, the first time Tony pointed it out - while he was joking about Siberia, and Bucky supposed that was how the man decided to face the thing, even if he wasn’t completely fine with that and tried to speak with the billionaire, at least to ask for his pardon - they both denied immediately. And yes, Bucky’s heart broke a little when he saw how sure Steve was about that, but, at the end of the day, it wasn’t like there was something they could do, even if Barnes had always been head over the heels for his best friend. 

He couldn’t make a move on the man. It was wrong, it was immoral, men weren’t mean to love men, that was what the pastor used to say every time he confessed, back in their New York, which looked so much different from the one they were living in. And for Bucky silence, that desire was easy enough. He had a pretty face, girls loved it, and his mother raised a gentleman and his behaviour seemed to fascinate them. Joining the Army did nothing but amplify that. Girls loved Bucky, and that was enough. Nobody would ever suspect that he didn’t love them. 

He couldn’t simply admit his feelings for Steve after almost a hundred years of friendship. It was better looking at him flirting with Sharon Carter and pretend to be interested in what Nat was telling to him. He hated himself, for that, while it was clear that the Black Widow was just trying to be friendly: she was a good friend, someone with whom speaking was easy, and still, he couldn’t bring himself to be honest with her. 

“And then Steve told me that he wasn’t ready to ask her out, because he was still thinking about someone,” A moment before, she wasn’t speaking about who Steve was dating, about that, Bucky was pretty sure, though that simple sentence throw in the middle of a billions of words was enough for the former Winter Soldier to turn and look at his friend. “You appeared out of nowhere before he could tell me who that person was. Do you know how do I call it? Coincidence.”

Bucky’s light eyes trailed down to look at the glass he was holding. “I thought it simply happened because he was my mission.”

“Whatever you want to call it, Bucks,” Nat rolled her eyes and her exasperation was clear; it wasn’t the first time she told him that. The problem was that Bucky was doing everything in his power to ignore it. He couldn’t understand why she liked to torture him so much. He couldn’t walk up to Steve and ask him out. They weren’t in the Forties anymore, but he simply couldn’t. It didn’t matter what Natasha told him, it didn’t even matter the fact that nobody seemed to be scandalized by the fact that Tony was dating another man. But he was still unsure about why. He knew the times were different, and that was everything he would have asked for. But he couldn’t bring Steve in that. Could he?

“I can hear your thoughts, just go and ask him for a dance, you already did this,” Nat was looking at him, with a wicked smile on her lips and he knew what she was speaking about. He confessed it to the woman once when he was drunk and Nebula kidnapped Steve for a dance - threatening everyone to kill them if that info slippered out to the public. 

“I can’t, “ Bucky said, immediately. “We are to a gala with the President, I can’t dance with another man.”

“Tell this to Stark and Strange,” Nat answered, covering her mouth with her fingers graciously. Bucky turned his eyes to look for the men his friend just mentioned. Tony and Stephen weren’t dancing, despite the fact of being in the middle of the dancing floor. They were just clinging to each other, moving to the rhythm of the music, mouths sealed together. “C’ mon, pretty boy.”

And in a beat of the eyes, she was waving her hand to Sharon, Steve and Sam who was with them. The trio reached them and Bucky had to keep himself from rolling his eyes. “I wanted to take something to eat from the buffet. Sam, Sharon, do you want to come with me?”

“I can…?” Bucky started, and he really didn’t understand why, but Sharon too rolled her eyes to the ceiling. 

“No, we go. You stay there and you have fun,” And it sounded very much like a command. Bucky had to admit that she sounded a lot like Peggy when she said that. 

And then the things became weird for reasons that Bucky couldn’t name. It never happened to him, not with Steve out of all the people. With him, everything had always been easy just like to breathe. Steve was his best friend, Steve was the man he had loved for his entire life, since the moment he had known him. And now he couldn’t tell anything. 

“So, did you ask Sharon out?” He let out, not even knowing which answer he was hoping for. The glance in Steve’s eyes was weird for a moment before he opened his mouth and closed it again. 

“What? No, she’s with Sam,” Oh, that was something about which Bucky never thought. “I… I mean. I’m happy you and Nat seem to go along together.” 

And then silence again. And Bucky couldn’t help but laugh just to be delighted by Steve’s cerulean eyes lighting up with his smile. It was just a weird moment, and then they were dancing like goofs in the middle of the room. It was a nice throwback. And it was even nicer when Steve moved his hands to hold Bucky’s hip when, at the end of the night, he was too drunk to stand up without help.

That was something new. The old Steve, the one Bucky knew in Brooklyn, never got drunk, and when Barnes had to hold him it was because he was ill or someone hurt him, and Bucky was always too worried to get used to the pleasant weight of the man he loved against his body. But that night was different. Steve had a happy smile on his lips, and his eyes didn’t seem to leave Bucky’s face and once he managed to have him standing against the wall of the hallway which led to Rogers’s room, the Captain was openly giggling.

“I like your long hair,” He said, between a laugh and the following. “You look pretty, well, prettier. You always looked pretty,” Bucky pushed the door of the bedroom open just in time to catch Steve before he fell against the floor and carried him toward his bed. “Pretty, pretty, pretty!”

He giggled, and Bucky knew his cheeks were bloody red. “You are drunk!”

“Yeah, probably,” He said, letting the other man tugging him under the duvet. “But, you know all those Skype calls? That Wakandan style looked so good on you.”

“I loved the beard,” Bucky decided, and that brought Steve to laugh even more. 

“Can we try it?” Steve asked, the voice stained with sleep. “You and I, I mean, like, not to tell to everyone, but just…”

“I’d like to,” Bucky whispered.

\--

Bucky still didn’t know how they did, but somehow, he and Steve were managing to go through the entire secret relationship thing. It wasn’t ideal, but it was the best that Bucky could ask for and that was enough. Being with Steve was more important than everything else. 

It wasn’t like something really changed, the nightmares were still there just as the dread of losing Steve because he was too stubborn and decided to let himself being involved in some fight with an enemy stronger than he was. It was just the same, the same as it was back in their Army days and the same that it was after Steve found him in Bulgaria, once Shuri freed him once for all from Hydra’s control. 

It was all the same, but it was better because now he could lean between Steve’s strong arms, letting his beard brush Cap’s neck and see him smiling into the kisses they shared and letting his metal fingers wrap around Steve’s. That was one of Bucky’s favourite things to do with his boyfriend, just laying on the sofa, his left hand entangled in Steve’s while his right one traced invisible lines on his skin. 

Steve was humming quietly some tune that Bucky couldn’t recognize while his own right hand was in Bucky’s hair and they both were more asleep than awake, eyelids fluttering close every now and then. They didn’t need to pay too much attention to their surroundings: they were in their house in Brooklyn - it was Steve’s house, but he was sharing it with Bucky, technically until the former Winter Soldier would have found a place for his own - and they were safe, they didn’t need to be ready to run or die. 

If not that the door swung open and in a beat of the eyes both Bucky and Steve tried to move, Steve rapidly going for the shield which laid under the sofa and Bucky making appear a gun which shouldn’t be there from under the tea table. The only problem was that interweaved together as they were a moment before, they only managed to get their weapons of choice pointed to the threat in front of them without letting their hands. 

Sam raised his hands, showing them that he was holding nothing but some bags with a takeaway logo on it. That was the moment when Bucky realized he was still holding Steve’s hand, letting it go a moment later and stepping closer to his friend. 

“It wasn’t anything,” Steve said, immediately. “I was checking on Bucky’s arm… And you should have called… I… We weren’t…”

It was the first time that Bucky realized that Steve might have his same fears about that. Cap lived in their future for longer than Bucky himself did, considering that the years he spent with Hydra weren’t not even memories in his mind, and Barnes just suspected that he wasn’t interested in him, or didn’t want the world to know he was dating a man. That explanation though, the one that Steve wasn’t giving out loud but was giving with his panicked words made a lot more of sense. 

Sam smiled, shaking his head. “Steve, Steve, it’s fine.” 

Bucky let his eyes run from his boyfriend to their friend and back on the former. He couldn’t understand, or, better, he knew it wasn’t fine. What they were doing was heavenly, but it wasn’t fine, it was wrong, it was ill. They couldn’t… Sam’s hand fell against both his and Steve’s shoulders, a careful smile painted on his lips. 

“I won’t think less of one of you just because you are dating, nobody will,” He said, and he made everything sound so easy. “Honestly, I think a lot of your fans will weep tears of happiness, and, well, I don’t need you two trying to eat each other face in public, because I shared ten minutes in the same room of Stark and Strange and it was weird, but I’m happy for you, you deserve it.”

“So,” Bucky couldn’t help himself but ask: “Don’t you think people will be scandalized?”

Sam shook his head. “Guys, I know you’d lived in the Forties, but we don’t anymore. I’m not telling you to go full public, but just know we are by your side, ok?”

Steve nodded, and Bucky knew that he was doing that just to shut Sam up. He really hoped that could be so easy, but there decades of voices and prejudices in his mind that needed to be cleaned up before he could think of being comfortable around the others. Thought it was good to know that Sam wasn’t judging them. And, maybe, Bucky dared to extend his hand to brush Steve’s fingers before going back to look at the other man who went for the kitchen to heat the food. “So, Stark got us the tickets for the Super Bowl, do you want to join?”

And if Bucky was surprised that Sam was speaking with them like he never walked into the room and saw them holding hands nobody had to know. Maybe his relationship with the man had been thought at first, but now he was glad to call Wilson friend.

**Author's Note:**

> Give me ~~validation~~ kudos and comments!
> 
> **wanna say 'hi'? do you have a prompt for me?** find me on [tumblr](https://ironstrange-is-the-endgame.tumblr.com/).  
> 


End file.
